Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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