I heard we made out
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
