I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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