i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
