i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
