roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
