he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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