He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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