I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
