Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
