So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
