so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
