Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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