dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
