Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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