I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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