shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize