Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
