Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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