Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So many bounce houses so little time
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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