Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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