Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
