you didnt know i had herpes?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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