I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
