That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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