Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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