OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize