i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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