at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
