I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
