If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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