i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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