Say something about gay babies.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
