My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want to make a zoo with you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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