what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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