You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
