I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize