why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
