Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
