Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
