Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We just shotgunned beers for America
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
