I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to make a zoo with you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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