Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
