i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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