i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
