she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
