Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
