is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
