all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
