i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
