He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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