that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
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