I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
