marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
