You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize