this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
