so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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