I've blown a few things in my day
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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