She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
