i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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