2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
