angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
