Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
