these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
