but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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