remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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