Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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