im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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