She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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