It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
jump out the window naked night went bad
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
