i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
