party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize