I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
nutella sex= disaster
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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