Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
is that a dick in a sweater?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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