Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She's the barista slut.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
