East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
