We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
