So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm too high and old for this...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
